Question:Dear Travis,
Do you think people should forgive cheating and try to save the relationship if they love each other? Is it worth it to deal with the concequences after that - questions in your head like where is he/she at, why is he/she not answering the phone, and on the opposite end, having to hear smart mouth comments about it when the cheated on person gets mad...? And how long after that should you be trying to get over it, before you finally give up on the relationship? It's not that easy when you've invested almost a year and you really care about that person...
Nadia , 29, Overland Park, KS
Answer:Nadia,
It sounds like you really care about your boyfriend. I can’t make up excuses or say what is right and what is wrong. In my opinion I wouldn’t break up with somebody I truly love over the act of being cheated on, alone. (Although, I would NEVER tell her that.) There is much more to it that I will talk about in a minute.
I know I’m going to have people write in and tell me that if there is love in the relationship there shouldn’t be cheating. But come on; let’s face the truth. Things happen. We are put in situations every day to test our fidelity. It is possible that your boyfriend truly loves you and has learned from his mistake.
What concerns me the most when people ask me about being cheated on is that there are so many more things that go into it that must be considered. For instance, not only were you cheated on, you were also manipulated, lied to, possibly humiliated and endangered. The person he cheated with might have an STD even condoms can’t stop. She might be somebody you know and see out. You don’t want to think about her laughing at you because she slept with your man. And you especially don’t want other people to find out that your relationship isn’t a perfect fairy tale like we all want to believe we have.
You know your man better than anybody else does. If you’re suspicious than you probably have a reason to be. How does he act toward you? Does he question you a lot and want to know where you are all the time? Because, let me tell you… it’s true what they say about a guilty conscience. If he’s cheating on you or being unfaithful there are several things to look for. Is he being way over protective? Is he being unusually thoughtful with gifts and flowers? Is his ringer off? Is he not answering the phone around you? Is he spending more time with his “friends?”
Only you can decide what to do. The act of cheating alone can be overcome but it’s everything else that comes with it that really damages a relationship and destroys trust. Without trust in a relationship there is no way it will survive the test of time.
Good luck,
Travis
travis@reveal-magazine.com
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